^5 
3533 



A AUsical Nigh\tiTiare 



\r\ Tl^ree Acts 



Bv H. P. BIGBLOW. 






Copyright. 1895, by W. F. Morris Publishing Co. 



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A nusical Nightrqare 



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S^ 



In Thiree Acts, 



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y 



By H, P. BIGELOW. 



(^rr/ cui 




ALL BIGHTS RESERVED 

BY THE 

W. F. MORRIS PUBLISHING COMPANY. 



PEOPLE IN THE PLAY, 



MATTHEW MATICS— Inventor Of the First Practical 
Flying- Machine, .... 

" ALGY " BRAY — Inventor of the Airiaphone, 

PHIL OSOPHY— An Arctic Explorer, 

JOHN SMITH— With only his Name, 

MRS. DRIDAPPLE WARMOVER— Keeps Boarders, 

" HANK" SPERRY— " Sheriff of Crosby County," 

IDA NOTION— The Village Belle, (In the play), 

MR. WILL U. SETTLE— Chief HustJer for the Never- 
faii Collecting Agency, 

O'RION — A Constellation of Brogue, Music and Good 
Humor, ...... 



MRS. AIRCASTLE NOTION— Full ol them, . — 

LORD GLADY HADDEM— With a Title, that's all, — 

KALVYRIE III— Who ovrns Borealis, . . — 

SEETHATHU MP— Private Secretary and Philosopher, — 

LITTLELIVERPILLS— Chief Chemist, . . — 

STOPTHATCOUGH— Astronomer and Weather Prophet, — 

MARGUERITE— All the rage in Borealis once, but she 

is old now, ..... — 

SAPOLIO— General Utilitv and Mascot, . . — 



AND 



Chorus of Students, Foot Ball Players, Court Attendants, 
Wedding Guests and the Village Band. 



TMP92-008661 



WHERE IT IS. 

Act I — Campus at Monticello Institute. 
Emtbe Acte — The North Pole. 

Act II— The King's Palace on the Planet Borealis. 
Act III — Village Green at Monticello. 



WHEN IT IS. 



Act. I — Next Year. 

Entre Acte and Acts II and III a little later. 



SCENE PLOT. 



Act I — Deep wood in 4th g-roove. College buildings on back 
drop. Wood wings and borders. 

Entre Acte — Horizon drop in 4th. Wings draped in white and 
obliqued. White ground cloth. Icebergs R and L. 
North pole C. F. Flying machine hung back of 3d 
border. Planet to rise from horizon. White borders. 

Act II — King's palace drop in 4th. Throne at C. Wood wings 
obliqued. Foliage borders. Flying machine as in 
Entre Acte. 

Act III — Garden in 4th. Wall in 3d. Wood wings and bor- 
ders. Flying machine same. 



ACT I. 



Synopsis of Music. 

Opening Chorus. 

Specialty — O'Rion. 

Trio — Matics, Bray and Osopby. 
Solo — Smith. 

Closing Chorus., 



Costumes. 



Chorus — Street costumes. Ladies in white and hats. 

O'Rion — Overalls and jumper, red wig and whiskers. 

Ida — Street dress and hat. 

Mrs. N — Street dress and hat. 

Glady — Dude make-up throughout. 

Matthew — Business suit and hat. 

Bray — Business suit and hat. 

Phil — Business suit and hat and cane. 

Smith — White flannels, somewhat soiled, straw hat. 

Mrs. Dridapple — Back number street dress. 

Hank Sperry — Josh make-up with badge of oflBce. 

Settle — Business suit, straw hat. 



Properties. 



Drinking Cups for Chorus. Rake and Sprinkling Pot for 
O'Rion. Loose Brick and Manuscript of Oath. Airiaphone 
and Connections. Bag of Pennies for Smith. Bills for Settle. 



NEXT YEAR. 



QUICK CURTAIN UP. 



Scene— Campus at Monticello. Chorus dance on R and L. Sing- 
ing. 

Opening Chorus. 

So come fellow classmates and fill up your g-lass, 

For the world moves on ; 
And drink to the health of our sweethearts and class. 

For the world moves on. 
Remember the morrow may be full of sorrow, 

So to-day let's have nothing- but fun ; 
With dance, wine and song-, let the world move along- 

While the (band plays) on. ' 

1st Tenor. 

To-day g-ood friends we g-ather here 
To sing- our parting- song-. 

It is the day that ends our colleg-e life ; 
Though far from happy at the thought, 
Our sorrow we will drown. 

And dance our way into this world of strife. 
For let us all remember that 
The big world moves right on — 

To get there you must always be in line ; 
The joys of life are ours to take 
Before we get too old : 

The only thing that age improves i& wine. 

Chorus. Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! 

Tenor. So come fellow classmates and fill up your glass, 

Chorus. For the world moves on. 

Tenor. And drink to the health of our sweethearts and class. 

Chorus. For the world moves on. 

Tenor. Remember the morrow may be full of sorrow, 
So to-day let's have nothing but fun ; 
With dance, wine and song, let the world move along, 

Chorus. While the band plays on. 
(Full Chorus and Dance—So come fellow classmates, Etc.) 

Tenor. In future years when some of us 
Meet on this spot once more 

To reunite and sing our old class song, 
We'll find ourselves and all things changed 



6 NEXT YEAR. 

Since happy days of yore, 

And note how fast the old world moves along-. 
Old Father Time he marks the hours 
For sorrow and for joy, 

The hours for sadness, happiness and mirth ; 
Now kind friends you will notice that 
This hour is labelled " fun," 

So pitch in now and get your money's worth. 
Chorus. Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! 

(Solo Chorus — Full Chorus and Dance — So come fellow 
classmates, Etc.) 

[Exit Chorus R and L.] 

[Enter O'Rion L with rake and sprinkler.] 

O'RiON. Well, well, well. Wan more year do be g-one, and 
wan more batch av foine byes an g-als do be lavin us ter shift 
fer thimselves or let some wan shift for thim. Now to clane 
up the ould place a bit, thin I can rest mesilf until next year, or 
the day afther. 

[Enter Ida R.] 

Ida. Oh, Mr. O'Rion, did you see him ? 

O'Rion. Did I see him — who ? 

Ida. Why, My Jack — Mr. John Smith, I mean. 

O'RiON. The saints presarve him. Miss, and have'nt ye heard 
he's bin dead these two years? 

Ida. (Sadly.') Yes, Mr. O'Rion, so my mother has told me, 
but somehow I — I cannot believe it, and — and I had hoped that 
he would come back to-day to attend the exercises if not to 
see me. Four years ago he said he would surely come back to- 
day if not before. (Weeps.) Poor Jack, truly he must be dead, 
and now my mother will make me marry that brainless idiot. 
Lord Haddem, just because he has a title and has promised to 
make her a ladyship. Oh, I wish I could die. (Weeps.) 

O'Rion. There, there, me darlint. Stop yer wapin. Jack 
may come back ter ye afther all. He was always a man av his 
word. 



NEXT YEAR. 7 

Ida. Yes, but I cannot stay here. My mother has even for- 
bidden me to come on these g-rounds. 

O'RiON. Well, well, thin run along", and if Mr. Jack do show 
up I'll tell him where he kin foind ye. 

Ida. Oh, thank you, Mr. O'Rion, (^laughs) and I say, Mr. 
O'Rion, if Lord Haddem do show up, will you tell him where 
he can't find me ? 

[Exit R.] 

O'Rion. Swate ^irl that ! The pride av the town. Every 
bye in the school has tried ter kape company wid her, but none 
av thim, 'cept Jack Smith, iver got a smell av thim rosy lips. 
Yis, yis, that girl has had 'em all at her fate, even to that dood 
av an Eng-lish lord what's summerin' here. Bad luck to him ! 
Fer he has jollied the ould woman until she has lost her head, 
and now she is bound ter make the match. So he has promised 
to make a ladyship er somethin' av her. Faith an' she'd make 
a better coal barg-e. I do hope Mr. Jack will come back, if he 
iver loved that g-al, so he does, to-day, and he'll spile that 
match, spile that dood's face er spile somethin'. 

Introduce specialty by O'Rion. 

[Exit after specialty R, and enter Lord Haddem 
and Mrs. Notion L.] 

Mrs. N. Yes, your lordship, that was a clever thoug-ht of 
mine. You see no one had heard anything- from him since he 
left here four years ago. Not even Ida, though she claimed to 
love him still. Well about a month ag-o, soon after we met you, 
a letter from this man to Ida came into my hands. He talked 
about the old love between them and said that to-day he would 
come back to Monticello to attend the exercises and ask me for 
her hand. 

Glady. Aw — aw — the impudent fellah ! and what did Miss 
Ida say ? 

Mrs. N. {Looking around.) 'Sh — . Miss Ida never saw that 
letter. I answered it myself on note paper deeply edg-ed with 
mourning, and I told him that my daughter was dead. 



8 NEXT YEAR. 

Glauy. How clevah ! 

Mrs. N, Yes, wasn't I, and then — (looking around) — and then 
I told Ida that I had met an old school chum of his who told 
me he was dead. 

Glady. And now each think the othah dead. Doocedly 
'Clevah scheme, Mrs. Notion. 

Mrs. N. Yes, but he will be here to-day, and then all will be 
found out. We must do something to prevent their meeting, 
or everything will be lost. Can't you think of something ? 
Haven't you an idea ? 

Glady. Aw — I nevah had an idea in me life, and I nevah 
think — it's too tiresome, don't ye know. But wait. I'll — I'll 
try. (Blank expression, followed hy a spasm. ) 

Mrs. N. Oh, my dear Lord Haddem ! What is the matter ? 

Glady. (Recovering.) I — I have an idea. 

Mrs. N. Yes ? Oh, what is it ? 

Glady. Well, we will insist upon Ida's taking a drive with 
us into the country to-day, and we will keep her away from the 
town until late to-night, and before we return you must per- 
suade her to set the day for our wedding, and we will have all 
arrangements made. Is that not an idea ? I thought of it all 
myself. 

Mrs. N. Capital ! I shall be proud of you for a son-in-law. 
The wedding shall be the grandest event ever witnessed in 
Monticello. We will have it on the village green and the 
whole town shall be invited — brass band and all. But come 
now, my lord. It is nearly noon already. 

[They exit R. 1. E.] 

[Enter Matthew Matics R. 3 E. ] 

[Enters quickly to C. Looks all around and takes out watch.] 

Matt. June 17th, 12 o'clock. Well, the time has come at 
last, and I for one am here. (Again looks around and comes 



NEXT YEAR, ^ 

•downstage.) Four years ago to-day I with three other young- 
men were among- the number who g-raduated from this institute. 
After the exercises on that day we four happened to meet on 
this spot and talked of our future. Controlled by a dare devil 
impulse we took a solemn oath upon paper, which we hid away 
in that wall, and bade each other g-ood-bye. Now to find the 
paper. (Goes to wall, counts up the brick, puU^ out one and takes 
manuscript from behind it. Comes dmvn stage) Here it is. (reads) 
" Monticello Institute, 12 o'clock, June 17th, 1892. We the 
undersig-ned, do this day and by this testament make 
this solemn, sacred oath, viz : That four years hence upon 
this day and hour we shall all meet upon this spot. Then the 
one among- us who has achieved the greatest success, fame or 
honor in life shall become our master, the others he shall hold 
as his slaves so long as they shall live upon this earth. Each 
of us upon our honor have solemnly sworn to forever abide by 
this agreement, and that death alone shall make us break this, 
our sacred vow. So witness our hands and seals. Signed! 
Philip Osophy, Algernon Bray, Matthew Matics, John Smith." 
Well, here I am and (look^ off L) here comes— 

[Enter Algy Bray L 2 E carrying Airiaphone.] 

Yes— its Bray. Ah, old man, I didn't know you at first, and 
what have you there ? 

Bray. I'll show you when the time comes— but where are 
Philip and Jack ? 

[Enter Philip quickly L. 2 E] 

Phil. Philip is here, but I am afraid that Jack will not 
come. {Shakes hands with Matt, and Bray. ) 
Matt, and Bray. Why not? 

Phil. They told me at the hotel just now that poor Jack 
was dead. 

Matt. Well then, boys, does the game still go ? 

Phil, and Bray. (Still holding hands.) The game still goes. 
(They come down stage and sing tHo.) 



10 NEXT YEAR. 

We're comrades, years ago we parted. 

To search the world for wealth or fame. 
Bound by an iron-clad oath, we started 

To play in life this trag-ic g-ame. 
We meet upon this day and hour, 

Each one his honors to unfold. 
The g-reatest then will have the power 

The others as his slaves to hold. 
Our prayers for him, who failed to meet us 

At this appointed hour and place, 
We fear his smile will no more g-reet us, 

No more we'll see his sunny face. 
The oath reads " Death alone shall make us 

Break this our sacred, solemn vow." 
Does death then make him now forsake us ? 

Does death then keep him from us now ? 

[Enter Jack Smith R. 2 E.] 
{Somewhat intoxicated, carrying a paper bag full of pennieff. ) 

Smith, Solo. My comrades, when I'm no more drinking-, 

But sick with g-out or palsy lie, 
Exhausted on my death-bed sinking-, 

Believe me, then my end is nig-h. 
But die I this day or to-morrow, 

My testament's alrea.dy made: 
My burial from your hands I'll borrow, 

But without splendor or parade. 

And when me to my grave your bringing, 

Then follow after, man by man: 
Let no sad funeral bell b*^ ringing, 
But tinkling glasses be your plan. 
And on my tombstone be inscribed : 
" This man was born, lived, drank and died, 
And he who lies here has imbibed 
In all life's joys, the crimson tide." 

Matt. Jack Smith ! 

Bray. And so you are not dead yet? 

Smith. No boys. 1 wish I were. It would be better for me 
than to live this sort of a life. But here I am ! 

Phil. Well, we are all here now. Let us begin business at 
once. 



NEXT YEAR. 11 

Matt. Who shall speak first ? 

Bray. Let it be in the order in which we arrived. 

Matt. Then I suppose I am first. Well, boys, I will be brief. 
At our parting- I started out to win this g-arae. I have worked 
hard and long-, but have been successful at last, and I rode into 
Monticello last night on the first and pnl3'^ practical flying 
machine or air ship, of which I am the sole inventor and 
builder. The machine is now stored in Squire Kimball's big* 
hay barn, just outside the town. I gave the Squire a good sum 
of money and strict orders to allovir no one to enter the barn or 
see the machine. 

Bray. Yes, but you must show it to us to prove your story. 

Matt. Certainly. My plan was not only to do that but g-ive 
you all a ride in it. But I am in a peck of trouble just now. 
You see my letters of patent have not yet been granted, and I 
wanted to keep the machine from public view until I received 
them. Well, while sailing over Crosby county last night just 
before dark I kept close to the earth to get my exact bearings, 
and I saw by the morning" paper that I frightened a team, who 
ran away, smashing- a load of valuable plate g-lass, the owner 
of which has sent the sheriff after me with a warrant to 
arrest me and seize the machine; and so boys, I must lay low 
for a few days and keep the machine hidden, if possible, until 
this blows over. That is all I have to say. 

Smith. Next. 

Bray. I too have an invention, which I think is equal to 
Matt's. Here it is: {takes cover from Airiaphone.) An Airia- 
phone I call it. Of course, there are two of them, and through 
these machines the sound of the human voice can be trans- 
mitted around the earth without wires or poles. It is a dis- 
tance annihilator, and I believe it would work at a distance of 
three million miles as well as three feet. It was my intention to 
show you how it works to-day, but like Matt, I am also in trouble. 
The other end of this machine is held by an old woman — a 
boarding-house keeper — to whom I am slig-htly in debt for 
several months' board, all my ready money being put into my 



12 NEXT YEAR. 

invention. But to-day I received quite a sum from my lawyers 
on the sale of a former patent. The money was forwarded to 
me here, and last nig-ht I wired the old lady to come on at once 
and bring- the 'phone, and I would pay her a bonus besides the 
debt, and now while we are waiting for her, let us hear 
Philip's story. 

Phil, f es, the time has come at last when I can give to you 
and the world a story which will astound you all. For two 
years I have kept locked in my bosom the secret of a great 
discovery. 

Omnes. What is it ? 
Phil. We are twins. 
Smith. Whose twins? 
Phil. Why this earth. 

Smith. 'Scuse me, I've seen snakes an' pink rabbits, but I 
haven't seen any twin earths — not up to date. 

Phil. Seriously, my friends. I am not jesting. Let me tell 
you uiy story. Soon after leaving college 1 joined a polar ex- 
pedition. We did not find the North Pole, but I alone made a 
discovery. One day I left camp and started north with only an 
Esquimaux guide who died from exposure before we returned. 
For days I wandered about alone and I believe I have been 
further north than any living man — so far in fact that 1 dis- 
covered that we have a twin planet revolving upon the same 
axis and traveling in the same orbit with this earth. Let me 
explain more fully. When you were a child at school you were 
given the illustration of the orange revolving upon the knitting 
needle. Just so, only there are two oranges and the needle is 
a long one. We cannot see this planet below a certain parallel 
on account of the curved surface of this earth, but it clearly 
explains the Aurora Borealis and several other astronomical 
problems. Well, I returned to ship and we sailed back to civil- 
ization, and T have kept my secret for this hour, which I knew 
would come. But we all have our troubles. Here I am the 
greatest discoverer of the age, and yet life is a burden to me. 
all on account of a two dollar laundry bill. Yes, that bill 



NEXT YEAR. la 

which I thoug-ht unjust, and which I refused to pay, was put 
into the hands of the Neverfail Collecting- Ag-ency. They 
dunned me by every mail. Sent me blue envelopes, pink en- 
velopes, green envelopes and black envelopes. I wrote to 
them and swore by the Planet Borealis that I would never pay 
that bill. Then they sent a man to dog- my foot-steps, to follow 
me day and night, and to present the bill every twelve minutes, 
until now I have sworn to kill that man or bust up the company 
before I pay that two dollars. Now, you have heard my story. 

Matt. Well Jack, what have you to say ? 

Jack. Not guilty, your honor. 

Matt. But what have you done. 

Jack. Nothing, your honor. 

Matt. Have you nothing to claim or show ? 

Jack. Only about three dollars in pennies. {Holds up bag^) 
Boys there's no use of telling my story, for it doesn't amount 
to anything, but I would like to have you know that I started 
out with as much ambition and hope as any of you. When I 
left Monticello I made another vow besides this one, and I 
worked with that object in view also. In the stock exchange, 
though 3^oung, I won a name and a fortune, and everything 
seemed to come my way. One bright morning about a month 
ago 1 received a letter which crushed my hopes, crushed every- 
thing on earth for me. I — well, I did the same thing most of 
them do — I tried to drown my sorrow in drink and dissipation, 
and my fortune soon melted, my character and good name sunk 
beneath the surface, until I had just enough honor left to keep 
my oath to meet you here today; and it took all the nerve I had 
left, boys. I would have come any place but here. Well, I 
arrived in town late last night, and what was left of my for- 
tune was soon gone, for I was again called upon to drown my 
sorrow. I had intended to make a clean sweep of it, and meet 
you — penniless. But just to kill time I got into a game of 
penny-ante down town this morning and I scooped the pot. 
Here it is, all I have on earth, except this, (pulls out bottle) 



14 NEXT YEAR. 

Matt. You seem to be low man. Now the question is: Who 
is high ? 

Phil. I think I am. 

Matt. You have told us a good story but you have not 
shown us your planet. 

Phil,. Nor have you shown us your flying- machine, or proven 
the merits of the Airiaphone. 

Beay. But how shall it be settled ? Of course, Smith is 
our slave as it now stands, but which of us three is master. 

Smith. Will you accept a suggestion from the slave ? 

Bray. Perhaps. What is it ? 

Smith. Well, since we are all anxious to get away from this 
place, why not take one end of the Airiaphone, get into the 
Air Ship, and go to the North Pole, and from there to the twin 
planet — if we find it. At the end of the journey the question 
can be easily settled. 

Matt. Happy thought. You have brains left if nothing 
else. But we must get away at once, or the sheriff will have 
the ship. 

[Enter O'Rion R.] 

O'RiON. Well, well, well. And d'ye know me, byes ? I 
thought I'd see some av yees to-day. And it's well yer all 
lookin'. 

Bray. Ah, O'Rion, you're the man we want. Will you do us 
a favor ? 

O'Rion. Will a dook swim ? Sure. 

Bray. Well, if the sheriff or a collecting agent comes here 
tell them we have gone to the North Pole, and if an old lady 
calls with a machine like this one, pay her whatever she asks 
and keep the machine. Keep it until we return. It's a tele- 
phone. You can talk to us whenever you wish. Keep us 
posted on what is going on down here. Here are one thousand 
dollars, (hands him money) We are going to the North Pole, 
when we return we will make you rich. 



NEXT YEAR. 15 

O'RiON. Yer g-oin' crazy, I g-uess, but Oill do as you say. 

Matt, Come boys, there is no time to lose. I will go at 
once and get the machine in readiness. Smith you come and 
help me, Phil, you scare up some provisions, and let Algy g-o 
to the bank and get gold for the rest of that money. That will 
be good in any country in which we may land. We will all 
meet at Squire Kimball's in fifteen minutes, and start at once. 
Be off now. 

O'RioN. Jest wan minute, byes. I would loike ter speak 
wid Mr. Jack before he do be lavin. ' {whispers in Jack's ear) 

Jack. Alive ! You must be mistaken, man. Tell me quick, 
how do you know ? 

O'RiON. Why, me lad, she wor here only a short time 
forninst. 

Jack. Then boys, I cannot go with you. I must stay, if 
only for an hour. 

Matt. (Sternly.) Not a minute ! All will be lost if we 
wait. Remember you are our slave now. Do as we command. 
Where is your honor ? 

Jack. True. I had forgotten that. (Matt, drags him off L) 

[Bray and Phil exit R. 3 E. with Airiaphone.] 

O'RiON. Well, well, well. Who am I anyway. Oive got a 
thousand dollars. They do be goin' to the North Pole, and Oi 
am to buy a telephone av an ould woman an' telephone to thim. 
O'Rion, you're drunk or crazy {looks off R.) Well, Oi may be 
dramin', but here comes the ould woman. 

[Enter Mrs. Dridapple Warmover R. 1. E. with Airiaphone.] 

Mrs. D. W, Can you tell me where I can find Mr. Algernon 
Bray? 

O'RiON. Oi can, mum. 

Mrs. D. W. Then where, may I ask ? 

O'RioN. At the North Pole, mum. 



16 NEXT YEAR. 

Mrs. D. W. See here, sir. I don't want any of your jokes, 
sir. I asked you a civil question, sir, and expect a civil 
answer. Mr. Bray telegraphed me to come here and bring" this 
infarnal machine — or what ever it is — and he would pay me his 
board money — one hundred dollars. 

O'RiON. Well, mum. Oi am his American agent at prisent. 
Here is your money, (hands her money) Now, give me the 
machine, and if ye have any further business wid him Oi will 
cable him free of charge. Sets Airiaphone in position while con- 
nections are made underneath the stage.) There you are, mum. 

[Enter Will U. Settle quickly L. 3 E.] 

Settle. Beg pardon. Has Mr. Philip Osophy been here ? 

O'RiON. He has. 

Settle. Thanks, and can you tell me where I can find him 
now? 

O'RioN. At the North Pole. 

Settle. Say, Irish, look here, I was out with the boys last 
night, and I have a big head this morning. My hair pulls and 
I feel ugly. Now, if you have any jokes to spring on me, you 
will have to wait until next Thursday. I'm chief hustler of the 
Neverfail Collecting Agency. I have stayed with Mr. Philip 
Osophy for a week, and I don't intend to lose him now. 

O'RiON. Well, ye'll hov to git wings thin, me birdie. But 
stop a bit, O'll tilaphone to him, git his address, and thin 
ye'll know where to fly to. (rings hell on Airiaphone) 

Voice m 'Phone. Hello. 

O'RiON. (Shouting in 'Phone.) Where is Mr. Osophy ? 

Voice in 'Phone. Sailing directly north, now, over Lab- 
rador. 

O'RiON to Settle. Git your wings, birdie. 

[Enter Hank Sperry R. 2 E.] 

Sperry. I am the sheriff of Crosby county. I have a war- 
rant to arrest one Matthew Matics; also, an order to seize a 



NEXT YEAR. 17 

flying" machine now in his possession. I have tracked him here 
and now I mean to find him. 

O'RioN. Git two pair of wing-s, birdie, or a tandem, (rings 
bell on 'Phone. ) 

Voice in 'Phone. Hello ! 

O'RiON. (In 'Phone.) Hello! Mr. Chief Hustler Neverfail 
and the sheriff of Crosby county want ter see Mr. Osophy and 
and Mr. Matics. 

Voice in 'Phone. Tell them to go to — Labrador, We will 
return there next year. 

Sperry. Spirits, by g'um ! 

O'RiON. This way to the balloon factory, g-entlemen. 

[Sperry and Settle exit L.] 

Mrs. Dridapple. For the land sakes ! Did I ever! Well 
I've g-ot my money and I am glad that I am rid of that infarnal 
machine. 

[Exit R. 2 E.] 

[Enter Ida R. 1. E.] 

Ida. Did you see Jack, Mr. O'Rion ? Tell me quick ! Did 
you see him ? 

O'RiON. Oi did, me gal. 

Ida. Yes ? And where is he now ? 

O'RioN. (Sndly.) Sailin' over Labrador. 

Ida. Oh, Mr. O'Rion, do not trifle with me. I heard he was 
in town, and I ran away from mother and Lord Haddem. Did 
you not tell him, Mr. O'Rion ? 

O'RiON. Oi did, but it was no use. The bye said he was a 
slave or so me thin', and they made him go wid 'em to the North 
Pole. Bat come wid me Miss to some quiet place and ye kin 
talk wid him yourself through this machine. 

Ida. (In tears.) Oh, I don't understand. 

[They exit L. 1. E. with 'Phone.] 



]8 NEXT YEAR. 

[Music — Enter chorus R. and L. with cups.] 
Full Chorus. 

To-day we end our colleg-e life, 
And go forth in this world of strife, 

And now we join in parting- song 
With hearts so g-lad and yet so sad, 

For ties are broken that were strong-. 
Yet ere we go our love we'll show, 
And drink a glass to our dear class. 

So here's good health to all. 

Tenors and Bass. We'll drown sorrow. 

Soprano and Altos, In the cup that ever cheers ; 

Tenors and Bass. Joy we'll borrow, 

Soprano and Altos. Pay it back in future years. 

{Fy,ll Cluynis and Dance. ) 

Sis- boom, ha-lia-ha-ha-ha-ha, 
Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah-rah, 

Altogether let us sing it — Tra-la-la-la ; 
Sis-boom, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, 
Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah-rah, 

So we'll sing it as we say good-bye. 

Now once again before we part 

A glass to those so near each heart, 

The girls so dear, we welcome here : 
Forever free may each one be 

From every care and earthly fear. 
This toast we give, that they may live 
Long happy lives and be the wives 

Of men both good and true. 

Tenors and Bass. We'll drown sorrow. 
Sopranos and Altos. In the cup that ever cheers. 
Tenor and Bass. Joy we'll borrow. 
Sopranos and Altos. Pay it back in future years. 

{Full Chorus and Dance — Sis-boom, ha- etc.). 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



ENTRE ACTE. 



Synopsis of Music. 

Spectacular. 

Quartette. 

Polar bears' dance. 
Spectacular. 

Airiaphone Solo. 

Spectacular, 



Costumes. 

Matt. — Dressed in heavy furs throug-hout, 
Phil- 
Bray— " .. .* 

Smith — vSame white flannels and straw hat, with sig^n DECK 
HAND on hat. 



Properties. 

Airiaphone and connections. American Flaer (silk) 18x26 
inches. Telescope. Stereopticon. Fan to blow flag-. 



20 NEXT YEAR. 

QUICK CURTAIN UP. 

Scene— ^t the Nmih Pole. Calcium and bunch lights (ffreen). 
Spectacular music. Maestoso mm)emeiit. On the Andante 
m(jvem£nt the Air Ship descends from behind 2d border t^ 
stage in front of trap. 

[Enter Matt., Phil., Bray and Smith up throug-h 
trap and through air ship flat.] 

T}ien look around. On moderato movement they come down stage 
and sing. 

To solve the vital question 

As to who's the g-reatest man, 
We accepted this suggestion 

And have carried out the plan. 
Our trip so elevated. 

Now with all success is crowned; 
And we feel so much elated 

At what we've found. 

Chorus and Dance. 

We're the first to dance around the old North Pole, 
We're the Kings of all Explorers up to date; 

No one before us ever reached this goal, 
No mortal men can with us emulate. 

Repeat Dance. 

When we started in our ship 

This old North Pole to find, 
We didn't care a flip. 

And we never looked behind. 
Even now we cannot stay, 

Nor let our honors stand; 
But we'll sail right away 

To the planet land. 

(Chorus and Dance.) 

We're the first to dance, etc. 
(Repeat Dance.) 

SpecUwuUir music. Andante moveTnent — Matt, uses telescope. 
They all look around. Smith brings out Aiiiaphone, sets it 
in place, while connections are made below. Allegro move- 
ment — Smith takes flag from Air Ship and sticks it on North 



NEXT YEAR. 21 

Pole. Tempo di Marda — All exit R. and L. Moderato 
movement — Enter Polar Bears R. and L. 
They dance at C. 

Bears exit—Tempo di Polka. 

[Enter Matt., Phil., Bray and Smith.] 

Airiaphone bell rings. All come down stage and listen. Music 
Allegretto. Ida's voice is heard through 'Phone. 

Song. — Oh, come, my love. My Jack, come back to me. 
Long- years ag-o my heart I g-ave to thee, 
But they told me you were dead, 

That another I must wed. 
Still I love you. True to you I'll ever be. 
{Music repeats melody and stops. ) 

Jack. That voice ! She loves me yet. Boys, it's no use. 
I've got to go back. 

Matt. Go back ! You're crazy, man ! 

Music. Tempo di Valse. {Stereopticon is thro^m on back drop, 
shows planet rising at horizon.) 

Phil. Look ! Look ! The planet rises. 

{Planet slowly rises on back drop. ) 

Bray. Let us be off at once. 

Music continues. All exit through door in Air Ship flat and down 
through trap. Smith, ccvrries Airiaphone. Trap closes and 
Air Ship slowly ascends — Allegro movement. Tempo di 
Valse. 

SLOW CURTAIN. 



ACT II 



Synopsis of flusic. 

Opening" Chorus and Dance. 

Olio of Special ties. 

Finale. 



Costumes. 



Chorus of ladies and dancing" girls in Greek Costume. 
Male Chorus — As soldiers and court attendants. 
Matt. — In furs, as in Entre Acte, change to fancy costume. 
Phil.— " 
Bray- 
Smith — White flannels and straw hat, change with King. 
Kalvyrie — Red frock and tights, copper belt and crown. 
Seethathump — In long robes, red hair and beard (long). 
Littleliverpills — " " black " " " 

Stopthatcough — " " white " " " 

Marguerite — Black silk waist and skirt, elbow sleeves and mitts, 

powdered hair. 
Sapolio— Black face, jersey and tights, coon wig and short 

white skirt. 



Properties. 



Palm leaf fans for chorus and dancing girls. Copper crown 
for King. Large call bell. Large telescope with tripod. 
Ballot for Seethathump, 2x6 feet. Gold and silver money. 
Airiaphone. Bag of pennies for Smith. Gold and silver for 
Phil and Bray. Tambourines for dancing girls. 



NEXT YEAR. 23 

QUICK CURTAIN UP. 

ScKNK—Kalvyrie's Palace (exterior). KaVvyrie mi throne at C. 
Co^urt attendants and chorus grouped at back. Dance music. 
[Enter dancing" g-irls R. and L.] 

Full Chorus— We're the four hundred 
Of Borealis, 
We're envied by all people in the land ; 
We make our home in 
Kalvyrie's Palace, 
The style in which we live is simply grands 
Here life's a pleasure, 
Our King-'s a treasure, 
He's always full of fun you see ; 
We are the subjects of Kalvyrie, 
Our Kihg Kalvyrie — 
Long live Kalvyrie — 
We are the subjects of Kalvyrie, 
And we're happy as can be. 
(Dance.) 
Each day we meet him. 
Each day we g-reet him 
With song and dance to music lig-ht and gay ;■ 
With salutation, 
In admiration, 
We loudly sing his praises night and day. 
We try to please him. 
We never tease him. 
His laws we dare not disobey — 
We are the subjects of Kalvyrie, 
Our King Kalvyrie — 
Long live Kalvyrie — 
We are the subjects of Kalvyrie, 
We sing- and dance the hours away, 
(Dance.) 

Kalvyrie. Good morning, ladies, and what is your pleasure 
today ? 

Marguerite. (Saluting.) To celebrate your birthday, your 
Excellency. 

Kal. Ah, so it is ! so it is ! I had quite forgotten. Well, 
we will have to hustle through the official business of the day, 
that the festivities may begin as soon as possible. (Rings large 
hell. ) Front ! 

[Enter Sapolio quickly from L.] 



24 NEXT YEAR. 

Sapolio. {At throne.) Yes, Massa. 

Kal. Call my private secretary. 

Sapolio. Yes, massa. 

[Exits L.] 

Kal. Very kind, indeed, ladies, to remember my birthday. 

[Enter Sapolio with Seethathump L.] 

Seethathump. (Bows low at throne.) Long live your Ex- 
cellency. 

Kal. Thank you. You may now report. Have the school 
taxes all been paid in. 

See. They have, your Excellency. 

Kal. Have all the property owners paid their road tax ? 

See. They have, your Excellency. 

Kal. Have they all paid their city, state, county, town and 
dog- taxes ? 

See. They have, your Excellency. 

Kal. Have they paid the sunlight tax ? 

See. They have, your Ex 

Kal. (Sternly.) Sir. 

See. cellency. 

Kal. And the breathing tax ? 

See. Yes sir, your Excellency. 

Kal. Have you made out a new form of ballot for the com- 
ing election ? 

See. I have, your Excellency. (Shoivs ballot.) 

Kal. Can an intelligent man tell which way he is voting ? 

See. He cannot, your Excellency. 

Kal. Good. I think I can get a third term. You may go 
now, and prepare a tax list on rain. We may get a shower 



NEXT YEAR. 2r> 

soon. I tell you Borealis is the place to live in. {Rings bell.) 
Front 1 

[Exit C L.] 

Sap. (At throne.) Yes, massa. 

Kal. Call in the chief astronomer and weather prophet. 

Sap. Yes, massa. 

[Exit R.] 

Kal. 1 hope it will rain, but not until after the celebration. 

[Enter Stopthatcoug-h and Sapolio R.j 

Stopthatcough. {Bows low at throne.) I ain here, your 
Highness. 

Kal. And what are the weather indications for to-day ? 

Stop. Most favorable, your Highness. The sky is absolutely 
clear, with the exception of a smalJ spot just above the southern 
horizon. I have been watching this spot for some time, and it 
seems to be coming directly toward us. 1 will fetch the tele- 
scope, your Highness, that you may see for yourself. 

[Exit R.] 

Kal. Well, I'll take a look. A little spot amounts to a 
great deal sometimes, especially when you are drawing to 
three aces. 

[Enter Stopthatcough R. with telescope. He 
adjusts it, pointing it off L.] 

Stop. It looks like a large bird; and it's coming this way. 
Look, your Highness. 

(Kaliryrie comes down, and looks in glass. ) 

Kal. So it is. See it is coming this way. 

(Music — Misterioso movement. A II look sky ward. 

Flying machine descends. ) 
[Enter Smith up through trap and through Air 
Ship flat comes down stage with anchor 
line; also, enter Matt, who sticks 
head above Air Ship flat.] 



26 NEXT YEAR. 

{Mu»ic Stops.) 
Matt. Make her fast there, you land-lubber. 
Smith. Aye, aye, sir. 

(Matt, comes down stage, also Bray and Osophy.) 
Kal. Welcome strang-ers, and where do you hail from ? 

Phil. From Earth, the sister planet. We believe that we 
are the first mortals who have traveled from one planet to 
another. 

Kal,. You are mistaken, my friends. We have heard of our 
sister planet. In fact, we have one representative from there 
already. (Rings bell.) Here, Sapolio, tell the gentlemen your 
story. 

(Sapolio comes D. F.) 

Phil. You say you came from the earth ? 

Sap. Yes, massa. 

Phil. From what part ? 

Sap. From ole Kentuck', massa.^ 

Phil. And how did you get here. 

Sap. Started on a Mississip' steam boat, massa, but we got 
racin' and de Capt'in tole me toe go and roost on de safety 
valve. Den Biff ! an' I went up and up fer 'bout free days. 
Den wuz 'bout two days comin' down. Den plunk ! an' I landed 
in de lake over dar. Den dey fished me out, an' Massa Kal tuk 
me in charge. 

Phil. Remarkable I Here Smith, take the Ship over to 
the livery stable. 

Smith. Aye, aye, .sir. 

[Exit through flat and trap.] 

(Music same. Air Ship ascends. Music stops. 
Kal. Well gentlemen, we know very little about your 
country. Only what Sapolio has told us, but we believe our- 
selves a little in advance of our sister planet. The bicycle, 



NEXT YEAR. 27 

Trilby and bloomer crazes died here years ago. We have tried 
all forms of g-overnment, and have reached the ultimate: 
money rules, boodle wins. I am the richest man on the planet, 
therefore. I am king*; and I shall hold this office until some one 
comes along- who can buy me out. I tax everybody for every- 
thing-, and am chief boodler. By the way, g-entlemen. do you 
intend to stay here long? 

Matt. I am afraid we shall have to, for a time at least, 
until we can re-fill our flying machine with gas. This has been 
a long trip and we have but little left. 

Kal. Then, gentlemen, pardon me, but while you are here — 
unless you stop breathing— you will have to pay your fresh 
air tax, which my secretary will at once collect. 

[Enter Seethathump L., also Smith.] 

See. Sixteen kenos apiece, gentlemen, please. 

Phil. Here's where our gold eagles come in. I am the 
treasurer of the party and will pay for all. (Hands See. the 
gold. ) 

See. Gold ! Not enough, sir. Have you no silver ? 

(Matt. , Phil, and Bray take off overcoats and give 
them to Smith, who holds them.) 

Phil. What ! Silver in preference to gold ? Funny coun- 
try, this. Well, I have a few silver quarters. Will they do? 
(Hands them to See. ) ' 

See. One is enough, sir. I will give you your change in 
Gold. You seem surprised, sir. I ,doo't know the relative 
metallic values in your planet, but here gold is plenty, silver 
medium, copper the most precious of our metals. 

Phil. Then we are rich enough to buy you all. Smith, give 
us your pennies. What is yours belongs to us. 

Smith. (Throivs down coats and dances on therm.) Next year I 
will, gentlemen. I am your slave no longer. Remember, the 
oath read: " So long as we shall live on this earth," and it 
meant the other one. Now, I am a free man. (Holding up bag. ) 



28 NEXT YEAR. 

With a fortune I will pay my own taxes. Here, Mr. Treasurer. 
{Hands See. a penny and drops one in doing so. ) Hold on, I've 
dropped one. {Kal. and all court attendants make a dive for it.) 

Kal. {Rising.) I've got it. {To Smith.) If you will come 
with me, sir, to my private office, perhaps I can sell you the 
planet and my king-dom. 

Smith. Perhaps you can. {Aside.) Those fellows have 
kicked me all the way from Monticello to the North Pole here, 
and it's my turn now. 

[They exit L. followed by chorus and dancing girls.] 

[Enter Littleliverpills R.] 

Bbay. He will be even with us now. 

Matt. Yes. We must eret away from here, but how ? Our 
gas is exhausted, and 1 have forgotten to bring the formula for 
making it. 

LiVERPiLLs. Beg pardon, gentlemen, but I am chief chemist 
to his Excellency. I have examined your Air Ship carefully, 
and I am sure that I can give you your formula. 

Matt. And you will ? 

Pills. For one million kenos. It has been my life study. 
In a few days I will have completed an Air Ship of my own. 

Bray. And will nothing less buy your secret ? 

Pills. No, gentlemen, nothing less. 

Phil. Then our jig is up, that's all. He will make us his 
slaves and our gold will not even pay our breathing tax. 

(Music — Tempo dl Marcia.) 

Enter procession of dancing girls with tambourines, follmved hy 
chorus and court attendants, hearing Smith on litter above 
their heads, dressed as king, re-enter Kal. dressed in flannels 
worn by Smith. They place Smith at throne. Music stops. 

Kal. Here ye all, people of Borealis, and salute your new 
king, His Excellency, John Smith. {All salute.) 



NEXT YEAR. 29 

Marguerite. John Smith ! What an odd name. We have 
no Smiths on this planet. 

Smith. No, they have g-ot them all on the earth. 

See. Long- live your Excellency. You will find us faithful 
subjects. Even now, we await your commands. 

Smith. Thank you, Mr. Secretary. You may first conduct 
the three persons who arrived here with me to the nearest 
misfit clothing- establishment, and g'ive them each a suit of 
the latest spring style in Borealis. I don't want any American 
dudes here. (See. bows. ) 

[Bray, Phil, and Matt, exit L. with See.) 
(Smith Tings bell. Sapolio runs to throne.) 

Smith. Here Soapine or whatever your name is. You run 
down to the Air Ship and bring- that Airiaphone here. I want 
to tell O'Rion about this. And now, my subjects, I understand 
that upon our arrival you were about to celebrate Kalvyrie's 
birthday. Well, we won't let the chang-e in administration 
interfere with it at all. So let the merry-making beg-in at 
once. (Smith sits at throne and calls specialties.) 

Introduce specialties ad. lib. After first specialty enter Sapolio 
with Airiaphone, which is placed by throne and through 
which local gags may be worked after each specialty. After 
2nd specialty enter Bray, Matt, and Phil in fantastic misfits. 

Smith. (Corties down and looks at them ) Give me two cards, 
please. (Aside.) Three Jacks. 

Ghradually lower stage lights and turn on calciums. At end of 
last specialty Airiaphone bell rings. 

Smith. Hello, who is it ? 

Ida's Voice in 'Phone. It's me, your Ida. Oh, Jack, where 
ever you are, if you love me do come back at once. To-morrow 
my mother will make me marry a man whom I hate and despise, 
unless you are here to prevent it. They are coming now. Will 
you come, Jack? 

Smith. (In 'Phone.) I will, my darling. Good-by until to- 
morrow. That settles it, boys, the ship sails on Friday. 



30 NEXT YEAR. 

Bray. What ship ? 

Smith. Our Air Ship. We are g'oing- back to earth at once. 
Kal., old boy, I'll sell your planet back to you for half price. 
You can pay me in gold bricks. Put in all the old ship will 
carry. 

Kal. I'll do it at once, sir. Come Sapolio. 

[They exit L.] 

Matt. But we are all out of gas. 

LivERPiLLS. But not out of coppers, sir. I will fill your ma- 
chine for fifteen of them, sir. 

Smith. {Handing him money. ) Put in a quarter's worth — 
enough to carry our gold ballast. 

[Exit Pills L.] 
[Enter Stopthatcough R, bows low to Smith.] 

Stop. I have come to report, sir. I have just discovered a 
new comet, which is coming directly toward us. It will not 
reach us before to-morrow, and may not strike us at all, but 
at ptesent the situation looks very alarming. 

Smith. Well, I am sorry for you. I wish we could take you 
all with us, but let's not worry about it now. We will leave 
the Airiaphone here and if you find yourselves in danger just 
call us up, and we will send a hook and ladder company up for 
you. Boys, we will go back with gold enough to buy up the 
Neverfail Collecting agency and the whole Crosby county, and 
now, friends, all join in and give us a good send-off. 

FINALE ACT II, 

Full Chorus. No more we'll meet you, 
No more we'll greet you. 
With song and dance to music light and gay. 
With salutation, 
In admiration, 
*We bid you this affectionate good-day. 



NEXT YEAR. 31 



We will not scold you, 

We will not hold you, 
And may you find your sweetheart there; 
Then go at once and do not tarry, 

No do not tarry. 

Her you must marry. 
Then go at once and do not tarry, 
And may you be a happy pair. 

Be it so if you must leave us 
We'll not let the parting* grieve us. 
For old Kal. he will receive us 

As his subjects once again. 
Without any hesitation 
We accept your resignation. 
Thus we change administration, 

And Kal. again will reign. 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



ACT III. 



Synopsis of Music. 

Opening Chorus. 

Olio of Specialties. 

Finale. 



Costumes. 

Chorus — In street costume or in full dress. Ladies in white. 
Ida — In bridal costume, with veil, etc. 
Haddem — Dark cutaway coat and lig-ht trousers. 
Mrs. N. — In white with bonnet. 
O'Rion — Swell street costume, white vest, etc. 
Matt. — Same as Act II under overcoat, deck hand hat. 
Bray- 
Phil.— 

Smith — " " *' " 

Villag-e Band — In misfit uniforms. 
Football team — In regulation suits. 



Properties. 

Cathedral chimes. Bouquets for Ida and dancing girls. 
Band Instruments. Gold bricks. Football. Thunder machine 
and flash light. 



NEXT YEAR. 3:^ 

QUICK CURTAIN UP. 

Scene. — Village Qreen at Monticello. Clurriifi grouped R. and L. 
singing. 

Opening Chorus. 

Their wedding" bells are riag'ing', 

And invited g-uests are we, 
The present hour is bring-ing- 

Sweet joy and ecstacy : 
For she whom we have loved so long- — 

Loved dearly as our life — 
Will g-ive him ere this hour has gone 

The rig'ht to call her wife. 
His wife ! His wife I 
Their wedding- bells are ring-ing-, 

And invited g-uests are we ; 
The present hour is brimming- o'er 

With joy and ecstacy. 

Enter Ida and Haddem C, followed by Mrs. N. und dunclng 
girls in white as bridesinaids. 

Tenor and Bass. — Look ! The bride approaches, 

Now make way : 

{Music and Chimes. ) 

Tenor and Bass. — Joy and happiness be 

Hers to-day. 

{Music and Chimes. ) 

FuiiL Chorus. — Dost tbou hear the wedding- bells ? 
Joyous peals they ring for thee ! 
What welcome sound their music tells, 
We fondly wait for thee. 

Mrs. N. We have just received word that the Chaplain, who 
is to perform the ceremony, has been delayed by some accident, 
but he will soon be here, so don't g-et uneasy but all sit down 
and the little entertainment which was to follow the wedding- 
can be given now, and we will keep the merriment g-oing. 

[Enter O'Rion L. with Airiaphone.] 

O'RiON. Howld on ! Howld on ! Oi forbid the bans. 

Mrs. N. On what g-rounds, sir ! 



34 NEXT YEAR. 

O'RiON. On the football grounds. (Points R.) Here do be 
comin' the team now fer practice. 

(Music.) 

[Enter football team R. they come D. F. and sing.] 

The days of modern college life 
Are given up to sport ; 

We go in for shape and looks. 
And are handy with our hooks, 
The time we spend in study 
Yes, indeed, is very short. 

In fact we have no earthly use for books. 

(Repeat Inst line.) 

As we march around the football ground, 

With our independent air, 

The prettj' girls all stare 

And admire our flowing hair. 

Oh I they look so shy — 

We hear them sigh, 

And then our yell we loudly cry, 
We're the men that break the hearts at 
Monticello. 

[Full chorus repeat last nine lines and sing second verse 
while football men are in action. ) 

You should see us on the gridiron, 
As the flying wedge we form — 

Should the pigskin come our way, 

For a touchdown we will play. 
At the signal from our captain, 
We rush onward like a storm — 

The goal is made, we're heroes of the day. 

(Repeat last line.) 

(Football men up and sing.) 
As we march around, etc. 

{Full chorus repeat after which football men fall 
back in chorus.) 

Miis. N. Now, perhaps, they will let our entertainment 
begin. 

Introduce specialties, Qladdy calling specialties, after which 
O'Rion goes L. 



NEXT YEAR. 35 

O'RiON. An' will the bride stip this way ? Oi hev a prisint 
fer her. 

Ida. (Running to him.) Yes, Mr. O'Rion, where is it ? 

O'RioN. {I7i loud ivhisper.) Wait a bit, me g-al — it's Mr. 
Jack. He do be comin' sure, so he tilaphoned me. 

(All look skyward.) 

Omnes. Why, what is that ? 

{Music Misterioso movement. Flying machine descends.) 

[Enter Matt, with line followed by Bray, Phil, and 
Smith carrying- g-old bricks.] 

Smith. Make her fast there you land lubber. 

(They put down bricks and shake snow from coats. ) 

Mrs. N. Well, g-entlemen, who are you and where did you 
come from ? 

Smith. (Makes motion to O'Rion.) Pardon our costumes, 
madam, our story is a long- one, and you would not believe us 
if we told you. I am John Smith, these are my friends and 
schoolmates. We have just come from a sister planet, where 
g-old is so plenty that the silver question has never been argued 
and g-old cures are unknown. Why you wouldn't even have it 
in your teeth up there. I have broug-ht back a ship load and 
I am here to ask you for your daug-hter's hand. 

Mrs. N. Sir, you are an imposter. My daughter is about to 
marry a lord. 

Smith. But I am an ex-King. 

Mrs. N. You are an escaped lunatic, I guess. Where are 
your proofs of all this nonsense ? 

Smith. (Aside.) They are not developed yet, but they will 
be presently. The rest of the gold bricks and my copper crown 
are on board the ship, madam. Just step this way and I would 
be pleased to show you. 

Mrs. N. Come, my lord, let us see what all this means. 
(Mrs, N. and Haddem follow Smith to Air Ship, he stops 
at door, they enter first, Smith locks them in. ) 



3«o NEXT YEAR. 

SiMiTH. Cast otf there. (O'Rion throws off anchor line and 
flying machine ascends to Misterioso music ) 

(Machine disappears, music stops. Smith rushes to Ida.) 

Ida. Oh, Jack, is it really you. How happy I am; but what 
will become of mother. 

Smith. Oh, they will come down again after — well, after we 
are married. 

ORioN. {Pointing up.) She always wanted elevation. I 
wonder does it soot her. 

Ida. Oh, Jack, if the Chaplain had been on time I should 
have been married before you came. We were just having an 
entertainment while we were waiting" for him. 

Smith. Well, let the entertainment go on. We can wait for 
him now. 

O'RioN. Well, here comes the village band to serenade ye. 

{Introduce village band specialty, after which bell on 
Airiaphone rings. ) 



Smith. {At 'Pfwne.) Hello! Hello! Who is it 



Kal's Voice in 'Phone. Kalvyrie of Borealis. The comet 
is surely going to strike us. We are already having earth- 
quakes and tidal waves and we 

Sound of thunder, border lights down, more thundefi^ a'nd 
a flash-light.) 

Omnes. {Looking up.) Oh-o-o-o-o. {Lights up.) 

O'RiON. And did ye moind that shootin' star. 

[Exit L.] 

Phil. {Sadly.) Borealis is no more. 

Smith. Now you are low man. 

Phil. No, I am not, and that makes me think, we are now 
back on earth, and again you must become our slave. 

vSmith. No, boys, you must declare the game off. If you 
don't you are my slaves. Look here. Matt, invented the Air 



NEXT YEAR. 37 

Ship, Bray the Airiaphone, Phil discovered a planet, while I 
— well I was king- of the world, and bought and sold a planet 
within three hours, to come back and marry the sweetest girl 
on this one. That's what I did. 

[Enter O'Rion L.] 

O'RioN. The Chaplain do be comin'. 

FINALE. 

[All D. F., Ida and Smith at C] 

Full Chorus. — Behold this joyful ending-. 

While we bid you all g-ood night; 
With love and beauty blending, 

All our wrongs are now made rig-ht. 
And now just oiie little favor: 
We would like to have you all 
Keep in your seats. 

Wait and see, the curtain falL 

[Music a7id Chimes. ) 

The wedding- bells, 
Ag-ain they ring-. 

(Music and Chimes^.) 

To send you home good humored 

We have tried our best to-nig-ht, 
And we'd like to hear it rumored 

That our show was " out of sight," 
so tell your friends and neighbors 
Of the things you heard and saw. 
So we will end 

Our little song 

With Au Revoir. 

SLOW CURTAIN. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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